In order to apply discipline correctly and according to biblical principles, parents must be familiar with the scriptural advice regarding discipline. There's not a responsible parent on the planet who hasn't struggled with getting a child to obey, and it can be an excruciating experience. How do you get your children to mind without losing yours?
That's a challenge, and God's Word has much to say about how we as parents can meet that challenge. It shows us how to provide the kind of discipline that helps our children fulfill their responsibility. If the most important thing for our children to learn is to obey, what do we do when they won't?
The book of Proverbs contains plentiful wisdom regarding the rearing of children, such as, “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother” (Proverbs 29:15). This verse outlines the consequences of not disciplining a child—the parents are disgraced. Of course, discipline must have as its goal the good of the child and must never be used to justify the abuse and mistreatment of children. Never should it be used to vent anger or frustration.
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:11). God's discipline is loving, as should it be between parent and child. Physical discipline should never be used to cause lasting physical harm or pain. Physical punishment should always be followed immediately by comforting the child with assurance that he/she is loved. These moments are the perfect time to teach a child that God disciplines us because He loves us and that, as parents, we do the same for our children.
Discipline and Punishment are Not the Same
Discipline is used to teach and guide.
Punishment is used for the purposes of controlling and retribution. Young children do not commit crimes. Their mistakes call for a corrective disciplinary response.
A study on the moral development of children found that children who feared punishment tended to have less guilt, were less willing to accept responsibility, were less resistant to temptation and had fewer internal controls than children who were not punished.
Punishment interferes with the development of internal controls by teaching children that it is someone else’s responsibility to control them and decide what behavior is “bad” and what the consequences will be. Children may then conclude that it is OK to misbehave if they can avoid getting caught or if they are willing to accept the consequences.
Discipline teaches children a particular misbehavior is bad because it violates the social order, thus promoting the development of internal controls.
A 1985 study shows a correlation between corporal punishment and stealing, truancy, aggression, hostility, lying, depression and low self-esteem.
Punishment causes children to focus their attention and anger toward an “unfair” adult rather than on learning to be responsible for their own actions.
Violence perpetuates violence. In a recent landmark study, 41% of parents believed that a child should be spanked for hitting.
Punishment validates fear, pain, intimidation and violence as acceptable methods of resolving conflict. Corporal punishment denies children equal protection under the law – the rules of our society say you should hit children but may not hit another adult. Sweden and five other countries have outlawed spanking children.
Physical punishment can escalate into battering and can result in permanent physical, mental, spiritual or emotional harm. It also confuses the issue of love and violence, teaching that violence can be an expression of love.
Punishment creates a final solution with the adult acting as judge, jury and executioner.
[i]Discipline[/i] creates dialogue and communication with the adult acting as teacher.
That's a challenge, and God's Word has much to say about how we as parents can meet that challenge. It shows us how to provide the kind of discipline that helps our children fulfill their responsibility. If the most important thing for our children to learn is to obey, what do we do when they won't?
The book of Proverbs contains plentiful wisdom regarding the rearing of children, such as, “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother” (Proverbs 29:15). This verse outlines the consequences of not disciplining a child—the parents are disgraced. Of course, discipline must have as its goal the good of the child and must never be used to justify the abuse and mistreatment of children. Never should it be used to vent anger or frustration.
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:11). God's discipline is loving, as should it be between parent and child. Physical discipline should never be used to cause lasting physical harm or pain. Physical punishment should always be followed immediately by comforting the child with assurance that he/she is loved. These moments are the perfect time to teach a child that God disciplines us because He loves us and that, as parents, we do the same for our children.
Discipline and Punishment are Not the Same
Discipline is used to teach and guide.
Punishment is used for the purposes of controlling and retribution. Young children do not commit crimes. Their mistakes call for a corrective disciplinary response.
A study on the moral development of children found that children who feared punishment tended to have less guilt, were less willing to accept responsibility, were less resistant to temptation and had fewer internal controls than children who were not punished.
Punishment interferes with the development of internal controls by teaching children that it is someone else’s responsibility to control them and decide what behavior is “bad” and what the consequences will be. Children may then conclude that it is OK to misbehave if they can avoid getting caught or if they are willing to accept the consequences.
Discipline teaches children a particular misbehavior is bad because it violates the social order, thus promoting the development of internal controls.
A 1985 study shows a correlation between corporal punishment and stealing, truancy, aggression, hostility, lying, depression and low self-esteem.
Punishment causes children to focus their attention and anger toward an “unfair” adult rather than on learning to be responsible for their own actions.
Violence perpetuates violence. In a recent landmark study, 41% of parents believed that a child should be spanked for hitting.
Punishment validates fear, pain, intimidation and violence as acceptable methods of resolving conflict. Corporal punishment denies children equal protection under the law – the rules of our society say you should hit children but may not hit another adult. Sweden and five other countries have outlawed spanking children.
Physical punishment can escalate into battering and can result in permanent physical, mental, spiritual or emotional harm. It also confuses the issue of love and violence, teaching that violence can be an expression of love.
Punishment creates a final solution with the adult acting as judge, jury and executioner.
[i]Discipline[/i] creates dialogue and communication with the adult acting as teacher.
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